James Dorrington copyright stefdoris December 2001 |
James Dorrington copyright stefdoris December 2001 |
TO JAMES: "All men have stars, he answered, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travellers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. But all the stars are silent. You - you alone - will have the stars as no one else has them - (...) In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night. You - only you - will have stars that can laugh!" Antoine de Saint-Exupery quote from "The Little Prince" |
My sunshine, I gave you "The Little Prince" as a birthday present. Little did I know then that - only a few weeks later - the book would have a completely different meaning to me. Time passes by, days and months fly past but nothing changes. Nothing takes that pain away, that emptiness that you left behind. Life goes on, never again the same but still moving from one minute to the next. Time doesn´t heal, it doesn´t make anything better or understandable. Time only brings a routine, which eventually makes the mornings, the days, the evenings and the nights a bit more bearable. There hasn´t been a day on which you haven't been on my mind. The thoughts are still painfully coloured by the memories of our last moments together. I wish I could have taken that fear away. You are the most remarkable and wonderful thing that has ever happened to come into my life at the most unexpected moment to brighten up my world. I will never understand why our time together had to be so short. There was so much more love and happiness waiting for you and you deserved all of it. Life is a mystery. My life with you has been the most beautiful mystery I could wish for even though it ended so suddenly and painfully. If I could I would do everything all over again. I still haven't totally accepted that you will never come back, that the spring and the summer pass without you being there. In my mind I am constantly talking to you. Illusions for a little bit of comfort. My sunshine, there is a place in my heart filled with pain and emptiness, which still makes me cry. But there is an even bigger part of my heart, which is filled with love for you. There I keep my wonderful memories. I hope that one day those happy memories will wipe out the sadness and the pain I still feel at the moment. I hope that one day I will only remember you laughing, hypnotizing me with your big brown eyes. I miss you my English king now and forever! Love, Stefanie |
